Warm
by Freya82
Summary: Harry is self medicating to cope with the stress of recent events but when his mum gets ill he begins to crack. He has also realised the depth of his feelings for Nikki but believes she could never now love him. Very M rated for a reason people
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Characters are property of the BBC. I don't own them; if I did they'd be married with at least two kids by now.

Got inspiration for this story from The Coronas great tune Warm. (Its on you tube) "You say you're close behind…but I want you to see…..I want you to always be mine…and I know they say you wont cry but I'm thinking would you, be thinking of me through this night…and I never stop and think before I speak but you said you like that about me… so tell me more, bare your soul, I want to keep you warm…Oh…I want to keep you it's the small things that make me sure. Like I would happily spend hours on end without words and I know I've said too much too soon…so much too do but so much to loose without you and I never stop and think before I speak but you said you like that about me, so tell me more, bare your soul, I want to keep you warm…Oh…I want to keep you warm.

The buzzing vibration of his mobile phone stirred Harry Cunningham from sleep. Sleep that had only lasted a half hour. Sleep invaded by intrusive dreams which brought guilt and despair bubbling to his consciousness when he awoke. He groped blindly for the phone and answered it with his eyes tightly shut, quickly praying it was Leo. Even her voice caused unexpected swells of emotion to constrict in his chest these days and to his utter shock occasionally caused tears to prick at his eyes in that silent reverie between sleep and wakefulness when she called to dispatch him to a scene. "Morning sweetheart" a female voice said softly to his scratchy hello."Mum" he replied in surprise, it wasn't often she called on a Monday morning. In fact she never did. Harry opened one eye and peered at the alarm clock. 7:13 am."Sorry for disturbing you so early love" his mother continued, her tone taut with sadness."Whats the matter mum?" Harry asked quickly as he sat up in bed, running a hand across his eyes and unshaven jaw. He glanced over to the other side of the bed which remained smooth and uncrumpled. In a microsecond a thought flashed across his mind of Nikki, naked but draped in bed sheets and he squeezed his eyes shut again. He had saw her like that once, his mind didn't need to imagine it, he owned the memory except it was tarnished with pain. She had been unwell and had reached out to him begging him to help her. Harry knew before his mother said another word that she was calling with bad news and without intention he had immediately looked to the other side of the bed. There was no loving wife there to sit up beside him, eyes narrowing in concern, a warm hand sliping up his back in comfort. "I was going to wait and call you later but I've been awake since 4 you see". Harry swallowed and held his breath. He had also been awake at 4. "Its alright mum just tell me what is it"."I haven't been feeling too well for the past couple of weeks…well…months if I'm to be honest Harry..so I eventually let Grace check me out and well..". Harry's world stopped and he couldn't draw breath. 'Please no please no' he thought, a cold sickness gripping him deep in his stomach, "not now, not after everything in Budapest. I can't take this, I wont be able to take this". He knew, he knew his mother was going to say cancer. He knew it. He heard her sharp intake of breath before she confirmed his worst suspicions. "I have cancer, pancreatic…". Harry swallowed a strangled cry. Totally alone he thought. I am going to be totally alone. No family. Nothing. Just the oblivion of meaningless encounters. Maybe that's all he was able for. All he truly deserved. He was unable to respond to his mother. Physically unable to formulate words. "Harry? Harry love speak to me, say something"."Jesus mum" he croaked as tears burned their way down his face. Harry heard his mother begin to cry on the other end of the phone as he swung his legs out of the bed. He felt they weren't his own as they carried him to the living room where he stared out of the window, his phone glued to his ear. "I'm starting chemo today. 9 o clock"."OKay..okay.. right. I'm coming down to you Mum, don't worry I'm going to be there for you, don't worry. It will be alright"."Your room is ready love, as you left it. I'll put on the electric blanket. Take the chill out of the mattress"."Mum don't worry about me, don't worry about anything. I'm coming down to take care of you".Harry assured his mother he'd be at the hospital about lunch time and then ran the shower to as hot as he could bear. Harry still felt cold. A chill deep in his bones had stayed with him since he left Budapest and he could never seem to get properly warm. He pressed his forehead against the tiled wall of the shower and allowed the steaming water cascade down his head and back. Tears flowed quickly down his face. How had he gotten here to this wretched point? How had it come to this?"Get it together man, get it together, she is going to need you now. Think about someone else except your bloody self for a change".Harry wrapped himself in a towel and rummaged through his wardrobe for one of the new shirts he had purchased in bulk. No time for ironing these days. He pulled the shirt from the plastic packaging and dressed quickly. He pulled a black jumper over the light blue shirt and threw his favorite pair of jeans on. A sick feeling returned to his stomach as he realised what he had to do to before stopping off at the lab. It was going to be the very last time he promised himself. But he needed it. Needed it to get him through. Harry pulled a prescription pad from his medical bag and scribbled quickly on it. A half hour later he stood waiting in a Boots chemist, his hands trembling. "Mr. Dawson?…..?" the middle aged pharmacist pulled him from his daydream and he turned in her direction. She regarded him with a strange mixture of concern, pity and something else….was it fear?.. Harry wondered as he checked his reflection in a window. "your prescription is ready" she told him handing out a bag. "Thank you" Harry answered quickly, taking the bag from her and shoving it in his coat later Harry swiped his security card to the main doors to the Lyll centre. As he walked down the coridoor the faint hint of Nikki's perfume wafted warmly into his nostrils. He sighed deeply with sadness and guilt again washing over him. Christ he needed to sleep. Harry pinned all the blame of his current mental state on the total lack of proper rest over the past number of weeks. He could hear her Nikki's voice faintly. By the tone of it she was engaged in some sort of teasing with Leo. He could hear his muffled protestations then her giggling. "Morning!" she said brightly, turning towards Harry when he entered the lab. He marvelled at how stunning she managed to look this early in the morning, how her soft curls bounced gently when she turned her head towards him. She wore a figure hugging grey wool dress and black knee high boots. "Will you please tell Leo that he can not under any circumstances give Janet a set of Denby plates for her birthday". Harry stared at her."My Mum is ill" he whispered and moved to stand closer to her. Leo looked up from a file he had been perusing and moved closer to his two younger colleagues. Nikki stared up at Harry, taking in his unshaven jaw, red eyes and obvious new shirt. Another new shirt. "She has pancreatic cancer. She's starting chemo this morning".He held his watch out in front of him. "right now actually"."Oh Harry…" Nikki mouthed, pulling him down into her arms. She felt the silent tears wet her neck but Harry would not speak. His hands gripped her tightly. He rested his lips against her neck and deeply breathed in her scent. Nikki felt him tremble in her arms, felt the coldness of his skin through his clothes. Harry refused to move for several long moments. Nikki ran one hand up and down his back in a vain attempt to warm him but he was now violently shaking. She gripped the back of his neck with her other hand, pressing him tightly to her, allowing him weep. Leo regarded the pair of them with sadness. So much wasted time he thought. Poor Harry, after everything he had been through, Leo wondered how on earth he was going to cope. He hadn't been himself since the events in Eastern Europe and appeared to be slipping away a little more everyday. He recounted his conversation with Nikki in the hotel room in Budapest when they believed Harry was gone forever. He was fully aware of the change in her too since their return home. There had been not one mention of any Friday night dates. No male callers to the lab. Handsome male police officers and lab techs found their attempts at flirtation ignored and rebuffed. He watched her watching Harry like a hawk these days, saw the sadness and frustration in her felt Nikki swallow against his lips and he snapped his head up and pulled away from her with his eyes shut. He stood straight and took a deep breath and turned to Leo. He fought the urge to also collapse into Leo's arms. Leo had been so much to him over the years. Mentor, brother figure, uncle figure, father figure. Bloody best mate figure."Anything you need Harry say the word" Leo said squeezing his arm tightly "just leave your files on my desk. Don't worry about anything here it'll be taken care of. Take as much time as you need".Harry put his hands on his hips and stared at the floor, not meeting Leo's eyes. He was aware of his silent tears splashing on the floor as he nodded "Thanks Leo…..thank you…I'm going to drive down there now. Drive home….".Nikki was at his side in an instant "Oh Harry you're in no fit state to drive anywhere. I am going to take you". She said the last part looking at Leo who quickly nodded his permission. Harry lifted his head to look at her. More guilt. More sadness. They should be married by now. He should be taking care of her. Loving her. Making love to her. Making little babies with her. She would never want that from him now. Not after Anna. And Penny. Jesus Christ what must she think of him. He was a joke. And she….she deserved only the best. A far better man than ever could be. A handsome human rights lawyer maybe..who completed iron mans at the weekends and ran soup kitchens at Christmas. That's who Nikki deserved. Instead of the arses she usually ended up with. I'm a total arse he thought maybe there's hope for me yet and he smiled in spite of himself. She was watching him, wondering about the little smile, concern creasing her beautiful features. "Just let me grab my things" she said and moved towards the locker room. Harry stared after her. He was even in love with the way she moved. Leo suddenly felt awkward, watching Harry watching Nikki. He was used to their flirting, their teasing, their bickering, their arguing but this was different. Too much had happened. Too much time had passed. This was a time bomb which had the potential to obliterate his lab."What would we do without her?" Harry said in a joking tone. Leo gave Harry a closed mouthed smile which didn't reach his eyes and squeezed his sound of Nikki's car tyres crunching on the gravel yard of Harry's family home stirred him from his sleep. He had fallen asleep five minutes after he and Nikki pulled onto the motorway, the warmth of the car, the warmth of Nikki's perfume enveloping him. She smelled like vanilla and cherries and….just that indefinable smell particular to her. "Nik" he mumbled turning in her direction. She killed the engine and pulled up the handbrake before she turned to him. He looked exhausted."You okay?" she whispered as she placed her hand over his. He closed his eyes and lifted her hand to his lips. "I'm not sure" he answered, his lips vibrating against her soft skin."Oh Harry" she said softly and stroked his face with her free hand. His skin felt cool and clamy. "Let's get you inside eh?" Nikki prompted and unbuckled her 's mother had left the heating on and a blast of warmth mingled with the scent of home filled Harry's nose. So many memories, some of them good. Alot of them bad. Some of them very bad. Harry followed Nikki into the living room, past the fireplace with the chip taken out of it. Harry's father had thrown a vase in a rage and thankfully missed his mother but struck the fireplace. It was strange being with Nikki in this place. She stood looking at him with the car keys held tightly in her hands. He sat on the sofa and grabbed his hair."I'll make us a cuppa before I take you to your mum" Nikki said and moved into the kitchen. Moments later she placed a steaming cup of coffee into Harry's hands and smiled. "No bikkies" I'm afraid."Now I know I'm home" Harry said smiling wanly "Mum and her diets. I was so bloody deprived growing up. Not even a lousy rich tea""Is it why you have such a sweet tooth now then?" Nikki asked grinning at him"Yes I think I'm allowed indulge myself every now and then considering" he retorted and held her gaze. Her smile slowly faded and an awkwardness rose between them. Their usual banter which both had revelled in for years had been slightly disjointed since Harry's death and quick ressurection."I suppose you do" Nikki said trying to keep her tone light "I'll get you some supplies while you're in the hospital. If you're nice to me I might even stretch to a packet of hobnobs"."Am I not always nice to you Nicola" he stated dryly"You have your moments I suppose Harold" she quipped and took a sip of coffee"Harold?...you cheeky..." he started and laughed. Properly laughed. It was a sound he hadn't heard from himself for a long while. God I'm a miserable shit he thought, how the hell does she put up with me? why on earth does she tolerate me?. Harry drained the last of his coffee and stood up."Better get going, just have to use the facilities and then we'll go okay? he said as he walked out of the living room. Nikki didn't see him throw two pills down his throat as he turned his back on they sat back into the car Harry wondered about what he was going to say to his mother. Wondered how she was going to cope. How he was going to cope. He allowed himself a sideways look at Nikki as she focused on the road, the blonde hair and pink lipstick (she probably wouldn't call it pink) contrasted against the grey of everything. The sky hung overcast and low and seemed to threaten snow. The thought of losing his mother terrified Harry and the thought of her passing away when he had caused her so much dissapointment more so. No fancy hat for a big day out. No grandchildren...living ones anyway. Tears pricked at Harry's eyes. He felt like he was truly losing it. He should have been driving down here with Nikki as his wife...she should have a huge rock on her delicate finger. Two little tots dozing in carseats in the back. A doe eyed little girl with soft blonde hair upset about Granny. A baby boy with tufts of fuzzy brown hair and Harry's eyes...Harry pretending to be annoyed when he flung toys at his head as he drove. Nikki smiling at him in that way she does...it'll be alright darling...his hand resting on her thigh...checking the rearview mirror to ensure the kids were sleeping before sliding his hand further... Jesus Harry stop it man. Harry squeezed his eyes shut tight for a second before opening them and sitting up straight. He had to stop this. These fantasies involving Nikki were becoming all consuming and out of control. Six days previously he had headed out to a club at one in the morning and sought out a woman with shoulder length blonde hair and in close in height and build to Nikki as possible. He had bent her over his kitchen table so he wouldn't have to look at her face."It'll be alright Harry" Nikki said as she pulled into a parking space in St. Vincents hospital. He turned to her and blinked rapidly."I won't come in with you now - I'll let you have some privacy with your mum. Just me a text when you need me ok?""Thank you Nikki, thank you for doing this for me, for being here" he said and pressed a kiss to her cheek, leaving it there several seconds longer than intended."Where else would I be Harry?" she called after him as he got out of her car.


	2. Chapter 2

Nikki watched Harry walk slowly towards the main doors of the hospital, his body hunched against the cold. He was like a ghost to her lately, his eyes had lost a light, a spark and were filled with sadness. All she wanted to do was hold him, somehow revive him. She wanted to crawl all over his body and breathe life into him, show him what he had been missing all these years. Every quick awkward fumble would pale in comparison to how she would make love to him. But right now he needed a friend. She was his friend. His very best friend. Nikki hung her head. She shouldn't be thinking of Harry as anything more. Not right now. He was so very vulnerable. She recalled Leo's comments about time from the hotel room in Budapest and released a sigh of frustration she didn't realise she was holding. She saw her breath in the air and realised how cold it was. Then she remembered how cold Harry had been. Poor Harry…shaking like that in her arms…she had wanted to strip them both bare and hold him under the shower in the locker room. Nikki turned the key in the ignition and turned the heating on full blast. She resolved to stay and take care of Harry - Leo would understand surely. She may not be able to strip him off and warm him up the exactly way she wanted but she could make sure he ate properly and had someone to hold his hand. When her phone buzzed three hours later Nikki was in Harry's mother's kitchen peeling potatoes.

"Where is my carriage? H"

"En route Sire" she responded. Nikki set a match to the coal fire before she went out the door and placed a bottle of red wine on the fireplace to warm it up. _God how clichéd is this _she wondered. Open fire and alcohol. _Harry will think I'm trying to seduce not comfort him_.

As he sat into Nikki's car twenty minutes later Harry told her he had never been so happy to see her. He told her the nasty details of his mum's illness, how she looked, how she had asked for her. How she was mortified she hadn't had the windows cleaned.

The smell of cooking hit Harry when he entered the house and he felt his heart would burst when Nikki placed a hand on his chest to push past him down the hall to sprint to the kitchen.

"Oh the potatoes!" she exclaimed. Harry followed her into the kitchen bemused.

The usually pristine kitchen was a mess with pots and pans and the peelings of various vegetables scattered around the granite worktops.

"You alright Nigella?"

"Phew they're okay!" Nikki sighed, sticking a fork into a potatoe which by some miracle had been cooked to perfection.

"Oh thank god, and the house is still standing too which is a bonus" he said turning down the hob. Nikki giggled and rested her forehead on Harry's shoulder "I'm such an idiot, I never even thought….I just wanted to make you a nice dinner….can we strike this up to just another blonde moment please".

He frowned at her "alright missy but that's your quota for the day".

"Don't go into the living room then….I may have neglected to put a fireguard on the fire".

"Oh _Doctor _Alexander" he uttered in mock horror. Nikki hoped he didn't notice her biting her lip when he called her that, warmth pooling in her belly, her pupils dilating.

He placed the fireguard in front of the fire which was now ablaze and crackling loudly and retrieved the bottle of merlot she had set down nearby.

"Your attempts at transformation into domestic goddess are to be commended anyway Nikki" it smells great" Harry said as he screwed the bottle open and poured her a glass.

"Your mum's kitchen inspired me, its wonderful, see all along I was just missing the right equipment…the right setting"

"Ah a bad workman always blames his tools" Harry said before taking a large gulp and winking at her. He relished the hot burning sensation the liquid carried from his throat to his stomach. His shoulders relaxed and he felt them ache. The knots in his neck and shoulders twisted, his whole body was screaming.

"Hey you haven't even tasted it yet" Nikki pouted

"And what is _it_ exactly?" Harry asked peering over her shoulder as she squinted into the oven before opening the doors. A blast of heat hit them in the face.

"Chicken casserole" she announced proudly "I just need you to mash the potatoes".

She stood in front of him with oven gloves wrapped around her hands blowing a wayward piece of hair out of her eyes. He couldn't help it, couldn't resist, he reached out and took the golden tendril in his fingers and smoothed it away. Harry was happy there for a moment in his mother's warm kitchen. Enjoying the easy domesticity between them. His mind began racing again, he couldn't stop it. In his mind's eye he was saying "Are the kids asleep?… good" and he would move his hands from her hair to her hips, gently moving her backwards towards the table. She would press against him, nuzzle into him. He could feel the fullness of her breasts squished against his chest and would smile that little smile when she felt him pressing against her stomach..

They both jumped as the lid fell off the saucepan of potatoes. Harry snapped out of his reverie and quickly excused himself before heading to the bathroom. Nikki shook her head quickly and blinked. Had she imagined that? Wished that? Had Harry looked at her with desire in his eyes?. Nikki took a gulp of wine and told herself to get a grip - Harry was in no fit state to desire anything except food and sleep.

Harry stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror before splashing his face with cold water. He shuddered and instantly felt goose pimples form on his skin. _She is your friend _he told himself. _Your very very good friend. Like a sister. Your best friend. If you fuck this up and ruin that your life will not be worth living. There would be absolutely no point_. Had he imagined that though? Her moving into his embrace as he moved her hair away…he had to have had. He was reading too much into things…it was like time had slowed down…he was seeking meaning in meaningless actions, meaningless moments…wasn't he?. Harry threw his head back as he swallowed two pills with a gulp of wine. Perscription drugs and alcohol. _Jesus, Nikki is not safe at all._

Nikki was making an attempt to mash the potatoes when Harry returned. He placed his hand on her arm "Move aside weakling. This is man's work". Nikki giggled and Harry began mashing a little harder than intended. His body was out of control, like a bloody 15 year old. That little giggle went straight to his groin and he turned his body away from her, annoyed with himself. _It must be grief it has to be a reaction to grief…._

"While you're finishing that I'm just going to have a quick shower okay? I feel horrible after the travelling and cooking and everything".

"Course Nikki I'm sorry - I haven't even shown you where everything is"

"Its alright I had a good nose while you were in the hospital" she joked "your room is very cute"

"Cute?"

"Its like a shrine to you, your mum loves you very much…wants to remember you as 15 year old obviously before you became all grown up and doctory..nice wallpaper by the way".

Harry laughed "The 15 year old me would never have believed a woman like you would be in his room admiring the wallpaper".

"A woman like me?" she dared, her heart rate increasing.

Harry smacked her with a dishtowel…he wasn't ready for this…."Stop fishing for compliments you" he said lightheartedly before turning his attention back to the potatoes.

Nikki sighed inwardly and made her way to the bathroom. While Harry had been to the hospital she had braved an expedition to Marks & Spencer to buy herself a dressing gown, some spare clothes and other essentials. When she left her flat for work this morning she had no idea she'd be spending the night in Harry's home place. Nikki removed her boots and slipped the wool dress over her head. Stepping into the shower she closed her eyes and let the steam rise around her. She washed her hair and body and as she reached for the towel she suddenly realised she had left her bag with all her new clothes and dressing gown in the car. She wrapped the towel around herself and padded down the hall. Nikki could hear Harry in the living room, throwing more coal on the fire.

"Could you get my bags from the car please Harry?" she asked quietly, keeping her tone light.

The sound of her voice startled him and she apologised quickly "Sorry I didn't mean to frighten you".

He turned to her armed with a retaliatory quip but found himself unable to speak when his eyes landed on her. The only light was the glow from the fire which made beads of gold on the droplets of water on her pale skin. Her hair was damp and strands of it clung to her face. She watched him closely, utterly conscious of every dart his eyes made. They travelled down her hair to her eyes, her lips, her neck, her shoulders, the curve of her breasts, he swallowed loudly as he tracked a droplet of water travel down her breast bone between the top of her breasts. It disappeared beneath the towel. Harry remained on his knees, the coal bucket gripped in his hand. He couldn't speak and couldn't move and could not tear his eyes away.

Nikki too was all too aware of the shift in the atmosphere between them and her lips parted as she watched him watching her. Harry put the bucket down and moved towards her, the air was buzzing with electricity between them. He coughed "Your bags?, no problem, I notice that's plural, am I never to be rid of you then?" his voice sounded strange to him like it was someone elses. Someone far away. He never removed his eyes from her and was utterly shameless about drinking in the sight of her.

"Never" she whispered and there was silence between them for what seemed like an eternity, neither wanting to break eye contact.

Harry's fingertips began to trace a path down her cheeks, across her lips and chin, down her neck, shoulder, then collarbone. He tapped her collarbone gently "you are so so beautiful".

Nikki could barely breathe, was afraid to move, his fingers had traced a path of fire on her skin and she had never experienced anything so erotic in her life. No man had made her feel like this. The blood thumped in her ears as she felt her body respond to Harry's touch. Her lips became fuller, her nipples hardened and she felt moisture begin to pool between her legs.

Nikki was still holding the towel around her with both hands clasped together. Harry placed his hands over hers, never breaking her gaze. Slowly….very slowly they moved the towel away and let it fall. Harry closed his eyes and opened them again to ensure this was real. She was still there when he opened his eyes, his body trembling with need for her, his erection pressed painfully against his jeans. God he needed her like he had never needed anyone in his entire life. His fingers made their way down the tops of her arms and brushed the curve of her breasts. Nikki drew a sharp intake of breath as he took her by surprise and began rolling her nipples between his rough fingers. She closed her eyes. Jesus she was so close already. Harry gently kneaded her breasts in his hands, feeling their fullness between his fingers. He dropped his head to roll his tounge around the areola of her left breast, deliberately avoiding the nipple. Nikki was almost to the point of begging when Harry took the hardened nipple in his mouth and gently sucked. She let out an involuntary cry which almost caused Harry to come there and then. No he thought quickly. This is about her. Harry realised at that moment it was the first time that he was not a selfish lover. This woman, he thought, this woman deserves to be worshipped. He removed his mouth from her breast and began slowly making his way down her body, his large hands ran down her thighs to her ankles and then back tracked, gripping her calves, travelling over her thighs before resting on her buttocks. Nikki entwined her fingers in Harry's hair urging him on. His lips grazed her navel before he rested them on the soft curls between her legs "Harry" she breathed as his tounge darted between her wet folds. This was his new favorite taste he decided as he worshipped her with his mouth. The tip of his tounge teased her entrance before sliding back up between her folds, she bucked against him when he flattened his tounge and licked softly at her clit. Nikki trembled and Harry held her steady, tightening his grip on her. "Harry!" she whimpered as she came, her hands sliding out of his hair down the stubble of his jaw. Nikki's hands shakily found his belt buckle and opened it quickly. He helped her remove his jeans and pushed them down his legs along with his boxers. Harry hopped out of the garments and tugged his shirt and jumper over his head. He placed a hand on the back of Nikki's neck and drew her urgently into his arms. Staring into her eyes he gently laid her on the rug on the floor. "I love you Nicola" he whispered into her ear as he pressed himself against her. Harry slipped easily inside her and lay still for several long moments. Now he felt like he had come home.


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of the coal bucket clanging on the floor, the contents scattering when it slipped from Harry's hands snapped him swiftly back to reality. He blinked several times and then stared at Nikki who was still standing before him although now shivering in her towel, her flesh goosepimped, her bottom lip slightly quivering. He dropped to his knees in embarressment, praying she hadn't noticed the increasing bulge in his trousers.

"Shit" he cursed and began grabbing lumps of coal off the floor.

"Sorry Harry" Nikki said softly and was at his side in three quick strides to help him clean up, one hand holding the towel to her chest. The warmth of the fire calmed her shivering and she sighed, breathing in Harry's aftershave as she bent down close beside him. Harry could smell his body wash from her, mixed with her scent and he truly believed he was going out of his mind with desire. Or he was just going out of his mind.

"I'm such a bloody clutz" he mumbled as he dropped the last piece of coal back in the bucket. Harry and Nikki stood together and he took the sight of her in.

"Jesus youre freezing" he said slightly disgusted with himself and hastily made for the door "Ill grab your things".

"Put a coat on first Harry you'll get soaked" Nikki called after him as he scampered out of the room wiping his filthy hands on his jeans. The rain was pounding down in heavy sheets, it would only be a matter of seconds before Harry was soaked to his skin. Nikki moved the towel up around her shoulders and moved to the couch. Her mind was racing. Had she imaged that? Had she imagined that? Such a long moment of silence when she had entered the room and startled Harry and the way he had looked at her….she felt his eyes roving hungrily over her…didn't she? Even in the half darkness had noticed his jeans tighten around his pelvis…hadn't she?.

Nikki swallowed, her mouth dry and she licked her lips. She felt like a teenager. "Stop being so bloody ridiculous" she said out loud, softly to herself. Had her desire for Harry become so intense that whenever he looked at her she was imaging that he himself was barely restraining himself from taking her?.

The front door slammed shut aided on its way by the wind and Harry's foot. He dropped the bags beside her, water dripping from his clothes and hair, forming a puddle on the wooden floor. The old Harry would have made a smart comment about her having a major shopping spree blow out but he was too preoccupied with guilt about the fantasy he had about his best friend moments before. He noticed she had moved the towel about her shoulders, hiding one of his most favorite parts of her but instead revealed more thigh. She looked up at him and wanted to smile her thanks but found herself unable to. The atmosphere had distinctintly shifted between them and they were totally unable to engage in the usual friendly banter, the usually friendly ribbing. This had been simmering ever since their return from Eastern Europe.

Harry towered over her and laughed coldly, never taking his eyes from hers.

Nikki suddenly felt defensive, was he laughing at her? Could he tell she was aroused and was laughing at how pathetic she was?.

"What's so funny Harry?" she asked unable to keep the edge of annoyance from her voice.

"Nothing. Nothing is funny at all Nikki. Funny is definitely not the word I would use to describe this situation" he was breaking, he was unable to hold back now, the dam was beginning to creak…

"Pathetic maybe…..yes…sad maybe oh yes…very much so. So sad and utterly depressing".

Nikki narrowed her eyes in confusion and waited for him to continue, drops of water ran from his hair onto her face.

"You….you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. I thought that from the very first moment I saw you but have I ever told you that before? No because I am a complete arsehole. A total and utter complete fucking arsehole!" Harry was shouting now.

"I have stood back and watched the most beautiful person in the world to me get trampled on by fucking tosspots and not done anything. I have not treated you the way you should be treated Nikki, I haven't treated you the way I have wanted to". Harry was pacing around the room now, forming more puddles. Nikki stared after him speechless. "So much wasted time, wasted time on women who could never in a million years come close to measuring up to you".

His whole form was heaving with energy and frustration, his fists clenching and unclenching. The blood was pounding in Nikki's ears, the only sounds now his heavy breathing, the rain and the clock in the corner. A piece of coal cracked loudly in the fire and Harry turned to her "you are so fucking beautiful. I am completely and utterly, devastatingly in love with you" he whispered. He then held his hands to his face and wept, exhausted. With his hands covering his mouth he mumbled "but I am so very unworthy of you. And I don't….I just don't know what to do". Harry sank down onto his knees. That's it. There was no going back from this. He had nothing now. His best friend would be no more to him.

Nikki sat still for several long moments and watched Harry who was now beginning to shake. Eventually she stood and walked slowly over to him. His breath was now choked with loud sobs. Tears, snot and rain cascaded down his face. Nikki reached down slowly and wrenched one of her hands of his knee. Her hand was so soft and warm, he wanted to turn and bury his head in her chest but couldn't move. Nikki pulled at his arm gently, urging him to rise to his feet. He eventually stood shakily, his eyes tightly shut. Nikki turned and led him slowly out of the room, down the hallway and into the bathroom. The room was still warm and humid from her shower, steam enveloped them but Harry continued to shiver violently. The tears had stopped and he watched from red rimmed eyes as Nikki let go of his hand and reached in to the shower and turned on the water. As it ran in hot streams, filling the room with more steam Nikki knotted the towel under her arm before turning to him and moved her hands to the hem of his jumper. Slowly she lifted it up his body, standing on her tippy toes to lift it over his head. His shirt was plastered to his body and he looked very pale. Nikki deftly began undoing buttons with her delicate fingers. Harry observed her closely, noting the care she was taking with him. She wore the same expression when beginning an autopsy. When she reached his bellybutton warmth began to stir in his belly and slowly radiate down his legs and groin. She held his gaze as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. Nikki placed her hands flat against his pecks for a moment, admiring his chiselled form then dragged her fingertips down to his belt buckle. Harry was unable to breathe. As she pressed against him to gain purchase on the button and zip he almost cried out. Utterly unashamed now that she could clearly feel the effects she was having on him. Physical evidence. Physical evidence Dr. Alexander of how much I love you. Harry had experienced lust before but this….this could not be described as lust. This almost transcended the sexual. This need was much more visceral. He needed her like he needed oxygen. He knew he would no longer be able to live, to breathe, to function without her. Nikki dragged his wet jeans down off his thighs and he stepped out of them unsteadily. Nikki bent down and removed his socks before rising again and stepping closer to him, her eyes never left Harry's as she hooked her fingers into his white boxers and slowly moved them down his legs. His erection sprang back against his stomach as she moved the elastic away. He was so hard it was almost becoming painful. Nikki then stepped back from him, her expression solemn and without her eyes leaving his undid the knot on the towel and let it fall away from her body. She had never, never, felt like this before, felt so desired, so comfortable, so connected, so wanted, so accepted, so beautiful. Harry drank in the sight of her. He had imagined she would have a beautiful body underneath those figure hugging clothes but he was totally unprepared for how truly beautiful she was. How utterly flawless. Her skin was gorgeous white, her breasts full and heavy, her nipples pink and hard. Harry was somewhat relieved. She wanted him too. He was still unable to move until she stepped towards him, placed a hand on his hip and guided him into the shower. As the hot water cascaded over them Harry pulled Nikki into a tight embrace, burying his face in her neck. The feel of her soft skin pulled tightly against his body was incredible. He knew he would never, never be able to let her go. They stayed like that, just holding each other for quite some time before Nikki took Harry's body wash and placed some in her hands. She then stood on her tippy toes and began treading her fingers against Harry's scalp. The sensation travelled throughout his entire body, Jesus Christ how could it feel so bloody good, she's just washing my hair. Taking more body wash Nikki turned her attention to Harry's shoulders and back, testing the sinewed muscles under her fingers. When Nikki ran the inside of her wrist up his length Harry hissed as if he'd been slapped. He was over sensitised and almost in pain. Nikki washed his pubic hair and gently rolled his balls between her fingers. "Nikki….." Harry warned, bending down to press his forehead against hers. She moved her hands away and continued to wash his thighs then his lower legs. As she moved away he became less sensitive and the need for her was threatening to boil over. She continued the tortuously slow ablutions of his body. The meticulous Dr. Alexander he smiled to himself…

He had restrained himself from touching her as she washed him simply because he was paralysed with desire but when she was finished he was so touched that she had showed him such care he pulled her again into his arms and broke down. Harry held Nikki tightly to him, emotion swelling in his chest, choking in his throat. As he buried his face in her neck, revelling in her smell he felt her breathing quicken, her breasts heaved against his chest. His erection pressed into her stomach as he let his hands slip down her arms. He was moving to finally kiss her when his fingertips grazed the side of her breasts and Nikki moaned softly, involuntary and Harry was pushed instantly over the edge. He came, sending his hot seed all over her stomach and breasts, his mouth latched firmly onto her neck, muffling his cry. No man had ever made Nikki feel so desired in her life. At that moment with Harry's seed hot on her skin she felt both dominating and claimed at the same time. Equal. She was totally his and he was totally hers. He held her tightly to him, allowing the pulsations subside and his breathing return to normal. Harry then took his body wash and slowly massaged the liquid into Nikki's skin. Harry's rough fingers gently, lovingly cleaned her body. Harry moved his hands in slow circles over her stomach, washing his seed away before moving to her breasts. Harry lifted the weight of her left breast in his hand and watched as Nikki let her eyes close. He gently washed her, allowing his thumb to slip over and over her nipple as he did so. Nikki was so close. No man had ever had this effect on her…Harry hadn't even kissed her yet…hadn't moved below her waist. Moving to her right breast, taking his time, enjoying the feel of her in his hands Harry could feel himself getting hard again. Nikki felt him stir against her stomach and her eyes fluttered open.

When they looked at each other tears pricked at Harry's eyes "I love you Nikki, I love you, I love you so so much". His forehead pressed against hers as he urgently moved his hands to her hair. Harry began kissing her eyes and cheeks before her soft mouth opened under his and they kissed. Their tounges slid against each other as they drank each other in hungrily. Harry cupped Nikki's face in his hands as the kiss deepened. Both were amazed at the emotion which surged from them as a result of this kiss. It was like a promise, a statement, an apology, a declaration.

"Harry!" Nikki cried softly hugging him to her "Harry I love, love you. I love you". Harry could literally feel her life force entering his body, repairing his fragmented spirit as he lifted her off her feet and in a smooth movement entered her. Harry held Nikki still against the wall of the shower for a long moment before he began to move inside her. This has taken far too bloody long he thought. They melted together blissfully, a perfect fit. Her slender body fit snugly against his muscular form as he took her. They marvelled at the sensations, the emotions. This was new for both of them. This is what making love should always feel like, not some anonymous, quick, shame filled shag. Harry moved slowly, controlling the pace, he wanted Nikki to know how much she was worshipped. This would not be rushed. This was about her. She was gripping his shoulders tightly, the tips of her nails digging into his skin. The slight stinging sensation spurred him on and he slipped back gently almost completely removing himself from her before thrusting forward when she protested his absence. She was so wet he slipped easily back inside her tight walls and gasped in pleasure when she reached down his back, over his ass and began stroking his balls.

"Oh jesus Nikki…..Jesus" he groaned and upped his pace.

"Harder Harry….harder….please" she whispered loudly into his ear. Her hot breathe against his ear and her begging almost made him lose it and he held his breath before releasing it slowly. "I'm so close…" she whimpered moving her mouth to his lips before thrusting her tounge back into his mouth. They kissed passionately as Harry thrust harder inside her before bending his head down to swirl a hardened nipple around his mouth. A few short seconds later he felt Nikki clench around him and cry out his name.

"Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry!" Nikki cried as her orgasm washed over her, sending waves of pleasure around her body down to her toes. Harry screamed her name and clutched one of her breasts as he emptied himself inside her. Her skin was now ultra sensitive and she bucked against Harry again as he massaged one of her breasts between his fingers.

"Oh it still feels incredible" she breathed as Harry lowered her gently, still holding her tightly to him as he slipped out of her. He kissed her lazily as he moved his hand from her breast down her stomach to between her legs. When Harry's rough fingers made contact with her sensitve wet folds Nikki moaned into Harry's mouth and dug her nails into his shoulder. Harry stroked her slowly before slipping a thick finger inside her, his own seed beginning to seep from her. Every nerve ending in Nikki's body was on fire and screaming in pleasure. She had never been able to come so many times before. Not with anybody. "Dr. Cunningham!" she grinned up at him, her eyes glazed. Harry made a come hither motion with his finger and the grin disappeared from Nikki's face "Fuck Harry….fuck". Spurred on by these words slipping from Nikki's beautiful mouth Harry's face adopted an expression of pure concentration and he removed his hand from her and moved both his hands down her buttocks and thighs. Harry kissed his way down Nikki's breasts and stomach before burying his face between her legs. Harry's unshaven jaw felt wonderful against her skin as he began to gently suck and kiss her.

"I can now die a happy man" Harry Cunninham mused to himself as he worshipped Nikki with his mouth. She twisted his hair between her fingers and quivered against his lips moments later. "Harry is very very good at that" she thought and a twinge of sadness struck her for only a split second as she thought of all the wasted years between them, of the other women he had fucked. But that's all it was. Fucking. What had just occurred between them could definitely not be classed as just that and her lips turned up into a happy, contented smile. She looked down at Harry who was running his hands up and down her perfect legs and looking up at her, his handsome face smiling reverently. A rush of love so intense it burned her chest rose up inside her. She _loved _it when Harry smiled at her. But this smile. This smile was the most wonderful smile he had ever given her. Harry felt warm inside. Properly warm, the hot water continued to pound their bodies and Harry felt lightheaded and delirious. He stood and took Nikki back in his arms and kissed her, he should be exhausted but felt unable to stop. _This is how I want to die _he thought, running his hands through her hair. "You are so beautiful" he murmered, peppering kisses on her lips "you take my breath away, you have no idea how many times I have walked into the lab and have been unable to speak because of how you looked. How I wanted to take you in my arms and make love to you right there on a mortuary slab". Nikki giggled at his confession and he shook his head in exasperation "Christ woman. You are trying to kill me aren't you?. Do you know how much it turns me on when you laugh?". Nikki giggled again, her laugh bouncing off the tiles straight to Harry's groin. An erection was painfully rising to half mast. "Poor Harry" Nikki said out loud to his raised eyebrows before pulling him into an embrace, kneading his buttocks and letting his hardening erection press into her. Harry honestly didn't think he had anything left in him. Nikki went down on her knees on the floor of the shower and looked up at Harry, she smiled as she looked into his eyes before taking him completely in her mouth. Nikki very gently sucked the tip of Harry's cock for a quick moment before sliding her mouth up and down his shaft. Harry groaned and grabbed a handful of her hair. She responded by rolling his balls between her fingers and sucking him faster.

"Oh stop Niks stop" he said urgently, he gently gripped her shoulders and pushed her back off him "Its too much, its too much. Its painful now, if you keep going you'll have to perform my autopsy…cause of death grossing excessive ejaculation".

"There are worse ways to go" she laughed rising to her feet "I couldn't do it anyway, it would have to be Leo".

Harry hugged Nikki to him and turned the shower off. "Poor Leo, he'd have a heart attack if he knew what had just happened".

"Yes I'm quite sure his head would explode" Nikki added.

Harry kissed her nose "I love you…..even if you are starting to look like a withered old prune". Nikki made a face and he grinned and held up her hands which were wrinkled from their excessive escapades in the shower. Nikki giggled and he slapped her bottom gently in admonishment before stepping out of the shower. Harry grabbed a clean towel from the rack and wrapped her in it before picking her old one up off the floor and wrapping around his waist.

"Lets sample that casserole shall we? I'm starving!" he declared before padding down the hall. As Nikki was about to leave the bathroom something sticking out of the pocket of Harry's discarded jeans caught her eye. A packet of presciption drugs.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry unlocked the French doors leading to the garden and stepped out into the midnight air. Filling his lungs with clean, fresh, cold air he closed his eyes and lifted his head to the sky.

'It's still there' he mused smiling to himself 'it hasn't fallen'. Harry breathed the heavy scent of fresh open soil tinged with pears and apples. His mother had been tending her immaculate garden before she was diagnosed. In a few months the trees dotted around the garden would be heavy with fruit. New life. A new cycle of existence. Harry's eyes fluttered open and he stared at the crystal clear sky. The downpour of rain had cleared it and left it cloudless and shining. Harry felt like he could run a marathon. Pure adrenaline still pumped around his body leaving it tingling as he savoured the memories which had only been created moments before. He sensed her before he heard her and turned to find she had retrieved her dressing gown from one of the bags which had been abandoned in the living room. Her hair was curling naturally as it dried, framing her face. She was holding something in her palm. A cold, sick feeling twisted Harry's gut as he realised what she was holding. The lies instantly began formulating in his brain but he knew she would know and his expression would betray him. She knew him too well. She knew when he was lying. The way his mouth constricted and his eyes darkened. He lifted his head and closed the door, he was cold again. Meeting Nikki's eyes he let out a slow deep breath.

"Nikki-"

"Don't. Don't say anything Harry please. Please don't speak. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't realise it was that bad. I'm supposed…we are supposed to be best mates….". She was crying now. Harry tugged her hard against his bare chest.

"Hey…hey hey hey….listen….its just a little alprazolam Nikki. I'm not on heroin or anything. Yes things have been…..difficult recently. Any GP would have prescribed it for me….it's not a big deal".

Her tears wet his chest, her breathing coming in slow sobs "Oh Harry it is a big deal. Why didn't you speak to me…or Leo even..".

Harry pushed her away gently and gripped her shoulders. Lifting her chin with one hand he brushed her hair off her face.

"I couldn't Nikki I just couldn't. The way I've been feeling has largely been to do with how I was trying to make sense of my feelings for you. I couldn't confide in Leo I just couldn't'. It wouldn't have been fair on him to put him in the middle….I'm pretty sure he knows full well how I feel about you but he has never ever broached the subject with me. He doesn't want to get involved. I know we've never talked about it but what happened over there almost destroyed me. I should never have been there Nikki. I should have been here with you. Instead I was off as usual chasing my…" he stopped. His blood was rising and his fists were clenching again.

"I've been a bloody idiot all these years. I can actually pin point the moment I let it all go wrong with you. I made a decision not to pursue you…..after we kissed in the pub that time. I cared about you too much. You always deserved so much better than me..then…then I had to see you with these….bloody…it drove me crazy Nikki. Absolutely crazy. After Penny I believed you would never look at me the same again. That I was…..unsuitable. Then in Budapest when I saw you at the memorial…."…Harry's anger melted into sadness as he recalled her face. Her tears. Guilt and pain bore into his chest. Jesus he was very good at making her cry.

Nikki's eyes never left his as the tears streamed down her face.

"Harry!" she said urgently, pressing her forehead against his "how can all of this have gone unspoken for so so long! What is wrong with us?".

"Well I'm on medication. Cant say what it is with you".

She punched him lightly in the ribs "Harry!. That is precisely what's been wrong! You persist in joking and teasing at every opportunity to the detriment of anything….real".

"I'm sorry" he said "you're right….god I hate saying that…it just catches in my throat" Harry removed his hand from hers for effect and grabbed his neck "right here". Nikki scowled at him and he raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Ok ok no more jokes. See I bloody knew something monstrous could befall the world if we slept together. I've just been outside and the sky is still there. There are no masses of red frogs on the ground but….I am no longer allowed make jokes. No more jokes from now on so Nicola…in exchange for copious amounts of ravenous sex".

"Hmmm we'll see how long you could hold to that".

"Well I went many many long years without ravenous sex from you so…"

"Yes but you've taken me to bed now so maybe…"

"Jesus…I haven't you know. I haven't taken you to bed yet. I never in a million years would have said that the first time we made love would have been the shower in my mum's house!".

Nikki giggled "Where was your money then Dr. Cunningham?"

"Well it's obvious isn't it? The source of all contention through the years….my desk…I always imagined you'd be sitting there one day…as usual…..chewing on a pen while wearing a lab coat and suspenders….id come in…wearing a cowboy hat for some unknown reason. We'd spar over the desk of course. I would seize your wrists and you would struggle. Then overcome with the lust the proximity to me has awakened in you, you throw me down and have your way with me".

Nikki threw her head forward towards him and laughed that deep throaty laugh that warmed his stomach and radiated throughout his entire body.

"So you've been fantasising about me in the lab Dr. Cunningham! So very unprofessional".

"Oh come on like you never fantasised about me?. And you were deliberately provoking me…wearing those bloody sexy tops and heels".

"isn't that the defence most rapists use?" she retorted

"you know I used to pretend to need your opinion on slides under the microscope just so you'd lean over when you were wearing the low cut ones" he said in a low tone and pulled her towards him roughly.

"Harry!" she cried in mock horror but something betrayed her on her face.

"You bloody knew! You minx! I knew you knew!…you did wear them on purpose!".

Nikki giggled "imagine…and all the while we were meant to be engaged in serious scientific analysis"

Harry's hands slipped inside the dressing gown.

"Hmmm…..I'd like to conduct a few more experiments with you if that's alright….like why is it that you make a very pleasing sound when I do this?" Harry's thumbs grazed her nipples and she moaned obligingly.

"God I should have shagged another pathologist long before this" Harry murmured into her neck "for the intensive knowledge of the anatomy we pocess".

"Like who?" Nikki questioned and lifted his head in her hands so he could look her into eyes. They were so close they could feel the vibrations of speech on the others lips".

Harry narrowed his eyes…"hmmmm…Leo I suppose".

"Leo? Harry? Have you also been crushing on our esteemed leader?".

"Well he is the third most attractive pathologist in the greater London area. After me and you of course".

"Who come's first?" Nikki prompted

"Me of course" Harry smiled

"Well I know that" Nikki teased and the great ultimate batchelor and womaniser Harry Cunningham blushed.


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as the words left her mouth Nikki instantly regretted the retort. She hadn't meant it as a jibe or a slight on Harry's masculinity and she did for a micro second register the hurt that seemed to flicker in his eyes.

"Sorry about that…" he murmured, avoiding her gaze before taking her hands in his "I promise for the rest of my life, for as long as I live, I will make you come first…see…I'm not exactly the male slut you accuse me of being….well…maybe I am a little. I know this will sound clichéd but you have to believe me Nikki that has never ever happened to me with anyone else before. Id love to blame the medication and the booze but it was all you. Ive wanted you for so so long that I couldn't believe that you had led me into the bathroom and undressed me".

Nikki grasped his face tightly between her hands and forced him to look her in the eye.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I didn't mean it as an insult. I was flattered and awed and taken aback. You made me feel so wanted. No one. No one has ever made me feel a quarter of what you made me feel. That moment was the most sensual experience of my life. Trust me. I shouldn't have made little of it by well…making little of you".

Both of them chuckled and the tension dissipated. They stared at each other in easy silence for a few moments before Harry put his mouth to her ear.

"I really meant it you know. I love you. I'm in love with you. Always have been. Always. Never doubt it. I'm never going to be able to let you go…marry me".

"Harry!" Nikki implored pulling his head back by his hair so she could look him in the face "Don't you dare! I said no more jokes!".

Harry slid to his knees and gripped her hips gently. He gazed up at her and while still holding his hair she drew her other hand to her mouth.

"How many carets? Or is it cabbages? I can't remember…Its been so long since I proposed….in any case I want you to have a ring with the highest vegetable rating there is. Oh and I'm not taking no for an answer. You're mine now that's it. My woman. You will take the Cunningham name and you will bear me at least four miniature Nikkis' and they will all have your eyes and hair and beautiful nature. They will be called Nikki Junior, Little Niks, Harriot and Leona. I will have sexual favours provided by you on demand. Alright? In return you can use me as your sexual slave and…although it pains me….you can officially have my desk".

Nikki stared down at him, her face solemn. The hand holding the hair was shaking. When she didn't speak for several long moments panic began to surge through Harry's veins.

"_How could I cock it up in less than an hour?" _he thought, still holding her gaze. Her solemn expression hadn't changed. Her face was frozen. Finally she spoke. She whispered one word.

"No"

Harry's face fell and he moved to rise from his knees but she held him in place on the floor.

"I demand…..at least one Harry junior…or else….no deal….and breakfast in bed on Sunday" she whispered as tears splashed onto Harry's face. His heart was ready to explode out of his ribcage. Harry's grip tightened on her hips "I was joking".

Nikki's breath stopped in her lungs and she was struck with momentary horror until he continued "I know its carats".

A huge grin then split his face as he rose and almost knocked her off her feet with a kiss.

"Bastard" she mumbled against his lips and tongue, still gripping his hair. They kissed passionately for several minutes until Harry's stomach interrupted proceedings by growling loudly. Nikki giggled.

"I am pretty sure I'm going to faint if I don't eat " Harry whined.

Nikki grinned at him and palmed his face "since I am now your woman I suppose I must feed you" then turned and made her way towards the oven.

"Ten lashes if its terrible" Harry warned and slapped her bottom as she turned away from him. She glared at him and he smirked "I'll make sure you enjoy them though…from across my knee".

Said casserole was slightly more 'crispy' on top than she would have liked but she was sure it would be edible at worst. As they sat side by side at the breakfast bar enjoying their food they both marvelled at how apart from the obvious physical aspect to their relationship, nothing had changed.

Nikki lifted her wine glass "To sleepovers with mates and midnight feasts". Harry clinked her glass. "You were never my 'mate' I'm afraid" he said gravely "I think part of me always knew you were my missus in waiting". Nikki smiled contently and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Now that Harry's appetite was sated….in every way she noticed the elation was disappearing from his mood. Nikki placed her hand over his, like she had done on countless occasions before. "I'll come with you tomorrow" she whispered, reading his mind. Harry nodded and sighed deeply.

"What a truly extraordinary day. The best day of my life and one of the worst". "I will be here every step of the way Harry…I know….I know what your going though…I will do whatever I can to help you".

Harry stared at her and another wave of guilt washed over him as he observed her. He wondered how someone with such tragedy and loneliness in her life could be so good, so kind. She had no family left. Himself and Leo were the closest thing to any semblance of family she had.

"We will be a family Nikki. I already consider you so. Have done for so long. So does Leo. Even if he can be a cranky old crank".

Nikki smiled and hugged his arm. "You weren't kidding about the Cunningham brood you expect me to produce then?".

"Nope. But you should truly reconsider a Harry junior. Just imagine me. Aged 2. You think I pout and whinge now at 40? Just imagine the havoc a Harry junior could wreak on our lives".

"Well unless you have a diploma in genetics that I don't know about Harry I don't think you can pick and choose like that" she laughed then stood quickly grabbing his hand.

"Oh please Harry show me a photo! Please!".

"No"

"Harry"

"They are awful"

"Please Harry!"

"Alright but no tormenting me afterwards"

"Why would I torment you?"

"Promise?"

"Ok I promise!"

Harry left the warmth of the kitchen and returned moments later with a dusty photo album which he reluctantly handed over to Nikki.

She gleefully took it from him and began thumbing through photos.

"Oh I love the seventies fashion!" she declared. Her eyes then narrowed and Harry groaned.

"Is that you Harry? Are….they? Are they?….are they elves shoes?…my word…you…you were rather portly weren't you…".

"That's it!" Harry shouted jumping off his chair and grabbing the album from her hands.

"You broke your promise about the torment".

"But I'm not tormenting you!" she implored "I think you're absolutely adorable. Look its normal for babies to be chubby. Its cute!".

"In my defence it was Christmas…..who begins weaning a baby at Christmas….with all the pudding…and…turkey…and Cadburys selection boxes….I promise you by Easter I was the epitome of toddler trimness".

"I don't think so Haribo" Nikki teased holding up a photo of an overweight 2 year old Harry wearing a yellow wool jumper with a rabbit embroidered on it….April 8th Nineteen Seventy-"

"That's it I said! You promised…..I never could have imagined you'd be so cruel Nicola…my opinion of you is changing…we are definitely not having a Harry junior….poor boy would be horrible scarred by his cruel tease of a mother".

Nikki stood and leaned in towards Harry's mouth. Moving as if to kiss him she lingered on the edge of his lips and pulled the belt on her dressing gown, allowing it to fall open slightly. With her other hand she reached under Harry's towel and cupped him gently.

"I. will. Have. My. Little. Boy" she whispered as she felt him harden in her hand. She watched for the moment Harry's eyes closed slightly before she yanked the photo album from his slacking grip. Running down the hallway with him hot on her heels she ran into his bedroom and threw herself on the bed. Harry was out of breath and holding and failing to hold onto his towel. He towered over her and discarded the towel "why am I wearing this bloody thing anyway?" he muttered before lowering himself down on the bed beside Nikki.

Nikki was right. His room was exactly how it was when he was a teenager. Seventeen though. Not fifteen. Seventeen when he left for college and the visits home became less and less. He pulled the duvet over himself and Nikki. It was so so strange being here with her. But he was beyond thankful that she was here. He pulled her flush against him and began peeling the dressing gown away from her body until she was naked. She rested her chin on his chest and looked into his eyes.

"Does it feel strange?" she asked him as if reading his mind "to have me in your childhood bed?".

He stroked her soft hair between his fingers "yes it does".

Nikki smiled and kissed him softly.

"I love you" he told her solemnly.

"Ditto" she replied and moved herself on top of him. They made love slowly, silently, tenderly. Harry held her hip and gently palmed her breasts as she moved slowly, torturously, on top of him. They never broke eye contact as she moved and Harry lifted his hips to meet every movement she made. Nikki rested her hands on Harry's chest and allowed emotion overwhelm her again. It was less rushed this time. Less urgent. It was incredible. Harry fell into the most fitful sleep he had had in months. He held Nikki closely to him, his chest flush against her back, her head over his chin, his hand resting on her hip, his fingers brushing her navel.

The clear night skies had made way for frost which lay crisply on the short grass and trees outside. The buzzing woke Nikki and it took several confused moments before she remembered where she was. It was Leo.

"Nikki….ive been trying to reach Harry". Nikki still half asleep shook her bedfellow "Harry Harry sweetheart wake up…its Leo".

Harry blinked rapidly and took the phone.

"Morning Leo" he said between coughs.

Leo's tone indicated he'd been awake for several hours but that he was also somewhat confused. "Morning Harry, or is it Sweetheart?".

Nikki hid under the duvet as Harry's face contorted in horror as he realised that Leo now knew.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for all the kind reviews everyone! Sorry this story is taking so long!

"I'm not going to indulge your smugness Leo get on with it" Harry said gruffly, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I'm pleased" was all Leo said to the surprise of Harry who was expecting a torrent of ribbing.

Harry turned to face Nikki who had slid back up the bed and popped her head out from under the duvet and was now lying on her side propped up on an elbow.

"Leo is pleased we are now having sex" he told her, not bothering to cover the phone with his hand.

Nikki flopped back down on her back and covered her face with both hands. "Jeeeeeesssssuuuuuuusssss" she was hissing.

"Nikki is saying Jesus a lot" Harry informed Leo.

"I don't need the gory details Harry, I am a pathologist….sorry for em…._disturbing _you but where have you put the Patterson report….I need to check one of the tox results".

Nikki rose from the bed and moved to the window and pulled back the curtains. Harry was about to open his mouth in protest but stopped as the brightness from the frost outside fell on her body. His heart began pounding as he recalled every detail that had transpired the night before, scrubbing away the haze the tablets and alcohol had left on his brain.

Nikki left the bedroom and ventured to the shower leaving Harry to finish his conversation with their boss. But Harry was still on the phone when she returned and was pacing the bedroom rubbing his eyes. He watched her as she began dressing, tracked every movement as she hooked a simple white lace bra behind her back. He had never undressed her he realised as she tucked a navy blouse into a black pencil skirt. Slipping on a pair of heels she turned and stood before him dressed as Dr. Nikki Alexander. Not Nikki. Not vulnerable Nikki shivering and naked in a towel in his Mum's living room. He allowed himself a smile before slipping his hand into the waistband of her skirt and gently tugged her towards him.

"Thanks Leo….will do…yes….of course…thanks again" he was saying as he trailed his fingers to the small of her back, never breaking eye contact.

She placed her hands on his chest and touched the stubble on his cheek, a small smile forming on her mouth. The effect of the wine had obviously also worn off her too and yet in the cold light of Harry's bedroom in the reality of the Friday morning she felt even more content than she did last night. Because this was reality. It was 7.30 am on a cold dreary Friday. She was stone cold sober. But she was in Harry's arms. It wasn't a drunken one night stand. She didn't have to slink off from some unknown, unfamiliar flat and check her iphone to remember which part of London she had ended up in. She was in her best friend's house and she was going to go to the kitchen and make him toast and coffee because that's what he liked in the mornings and she knew how he liked it. She knew Harry liked his coffee strong and an inch of butter on his toast. She pushed herself out of Harry's embrace, enjoying the feel of his fingers tightening hard around her wrist as she tried to move away. Following her escape she entered the kitchen and turned on the kettle before retrieving her handbag from the living room. She sat on the couch and rummaged through it until she found what she was looking for. Fishing the small pack of pills from her bag she looked at them for a moment before popping one from the foil and swallowed it quickly. She startled when she heard Harry cough from the doorway. He began walking towards her.

"Oh not you too" he joked as he sat beside her now dressed in jeans and a t shirt.

"No need to panic, it's just the pill" she said softly before placing a kiss on his lips. His hand snaked around her waist and he pulled her tightly to him.

"I know"

They sat in silence for a long moment, both unsure of what to say. Both running through the promises and declarations made hours before.

"It wasn't just the alcohol talking Nikki…or the meds" Harry began almost in a whisper. "I want the future we talked about…I really do…..when…you know the time is right".

Nikki's eyes closed in relief and she nuzzled into his neck, tightly gripping his t shirt. "Yeah. One step at a time eh" she mumbled against his freshly shaven jaw.

The kettle began whistling in the kitchen and they untangled themselves from each other and began preparing breakfast in the kitchen, moving easily and unspeaking in the silence of the morning. The stillness of the countryside beyond the french doors had crept into both of them overnight leaving them in reflective moods. The euphoria had dissipated somewhat from Harry as the reality of his Mum's illness settled over him. He was happy though. Happier than ever. But guilty about this new found happiness. Nikki's heels clacked around the kitchen as she cleared away the mess she had made on her culinary adventures the previous evening. Harry sat at the breakfast bar watching her.

"Don't get too used to this mister" she warned playfully as she loaded the dishwasher.

"The sex or the cooking?" he said quickly before stuffing his mouth with toast.

Before she could answer Harry's mobile began buzzing across the table. It was the hospital. Nikki watched the colour drain from Harry's face and her throat tightened. She moved closer to him as he hung up the phone.

"Her organs are failing. They've ventilated her" he said looking at the floor, a frown furrowed deep across his face. "I better go" he said but he was rooted to the floor.

Nikki found his coat and moved it about his shoulders, encouraging him to put his arms through the sleeves. Her breath warm on his face as she spoke softly to him although he never heard a word she said. He was focused on her mouth, on her eyes, on her hair. Harry wasn't in the least bit religious but in that moment, a moment he would have otherwise been utterly alone and despondent and in danger of being consumed by the same darkness that stole his father…in that moment he was convinced she had been sent to him by some higher power. She was too beautiful…in every way…to be standing here in front of him…calling to him and leading him out of the cold darkness. Pale, translucent skin pressed against him, willing life into him. It would probably be the first time in a long time he wouldn't have to wash fake tan from his sheets. Harry didn't want to believe this was happening, that his mother was actually dying. He also realised it was the first time in 8 weeks that he hadn't had two pills with his breakfast. This unnerved him and he suddenly felt like he was in danger of slipping, sliding or spinning out of control. He focused on Nikki. She had put her coat on and was holding the car keys. He couldn't hear her. He watched her mouth move and felt her hand attempt to turn his body towards the door. He pushed her suddenly against the wall in the hallway and kissed her urgently, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. He held her firmly against the wall and unbuttoned her coat, pulled her blouse from her skirt and slipped his hand against her stomach. He buried his face in her neck, breathing heavily. Nikki, after the initial shock, unpinned an arm from the wall and let it travel to the back of his neck as she felt tears wet her skin. After several long minutes Harry's breathing returned to normal and he lifted his head from her neck and rested it against her forehead. He then tucked her blouse into her skirt and buttoned her coat. Nikki bundled him into the passenger seat of her car and locked up his mother's house. They didn't speak on the short drive to the hospital.


End file.
